I'm gonna have a badass scar
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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