He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
