I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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