I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
