so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
50% drunk capacity currently
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
