Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I will pee on everything he values.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My liver is preforming stress tests.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize
