I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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