great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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