I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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