I didn't shave. On purpose
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
