It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
