the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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