I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
