3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
