she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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