oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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