Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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