I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize