zippers are such a cool invention
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
