She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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