Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
