this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
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I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
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i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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