Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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