Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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