I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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