Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
