took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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