Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
