I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
