Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
