did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
