I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
