You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
