You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
