I wish you could order shots online.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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