but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
