; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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