tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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