I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
i've created a new STD.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
