I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize