she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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