Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Houston, we have a blender
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
