WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
