the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
