if only i could text you this smell
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
