He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize