Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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