It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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