yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
