Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
