get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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