What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i think my mom watched the whole time
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
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