you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
