I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
