My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Well I just put wine in my tea
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
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