You just made me feel so damn special
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
