Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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