my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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