look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
