barbara walters just said penis...
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
