dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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