I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
