oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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