I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I can text with my tongue
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
