all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
