you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
