I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
