Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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